I am now four weeks of age!

To my friends outside of this territory. I wish to share my reflections of each week with you starting this week. Sadly, I rely on my mummy for recording my insights. So you will probably not receive these in a timely manner, but nevertheless, will get them. I am now four weeks. Daddy went to work half days this week. Mummy panicked the first day and kept touching the soft spot on my head saying “I think it’s sunken!” and asking “Why has he been drinking for two hours straight?!” she then did what she calls ‘googling’ and whisked me back to the hospital where it all began. Turns out I was just very hungry and my soft spot had sunken because I’d been sucking for two hours-your head would sink in places too! I’d also put on almost half a kilo since last week!
When we got home daddy came home, all of a sudden mum and dad started racing around jamming things in cupboards and shutting doors, changing clothes and bantering about journalists coming and baby bonuses. Two strangers then showed up and chatted about how mum cuts costs-well it turns out mummy is rather thrifty. I then had copious amounts of photos taken of me and some with mum and dad, this became monotonous for me, so I decided to get cranky to put a stop to it. This didn’t work, the camera man just kept snapping, at this point I decided I’d have to work on making real tears to help mummy and daddy feel more sorry for me in the future. It took me some time but by Sunday I cried in the car and tears were streaming. When mummy and daddy saw, they felt so sad for me-job done!
The next day, all three of us appeared in the paper. Now when people say “congratulations on your baby, we saw you in the paper!” mummy and daddy fight the urge to ask “which time?”, having already appeared in the paper in the birth announcement section. As a family we are kind of a big deal!
On Wednesday, mummy and I went to mothers’ group. Mumma kept saying “we’re going to make some friends!” but I’ve heard daddy say that I have lots of friends waiting for me back home that we can go camping with, so I wasn’t too worried with these other screaming okes. I decided to drink for the whole 2 hours, except when I got tired of that and I decided to shit right up my vest. I didn’t want mum to have time to befriend anyone because I’d be lumped with their baby whilst they have coffee and discuss my feeding, sleeping and toileting habits. Surely I deserve some decorum? Furthermore, one mother said her baby girl kept pulling her hair so her husband shaved the baby’s hair off! I pull my hair, I hope my parents don’t get any ideas as my hair is pretty close to my scalp, really who are these barbarians?! Speaking of barbarians, I also question my dad, can you believe he asked mum if she’d like to eat some little boys for lunch?! I think I best make a plan to get out of here, the heat is clearly affecting them! So far the most I can do is roll on my side and then I’m so plumb tuckered out that I fall asleep, I wonder how long it will take me to roll to Brisbane? Well that’s it for now, love Darcyx